Monday, October 28, 2013

miracles do happen, we just have to believe it (':

assalamualaikum wbt.

harini, ada satu perkara menarik telah berlaku kepada saya. haha. cerita pasal saya lagi. yes, when you came to this blog, it's going to be all about ME. d:

alhamdullilah. alhamdulillah. segala puji bagi Allah untuk kesenangan semalam, hari ini dan hari2 seterusnya. ^^

sebenarnya nak cerita, yang sejak minggu2 lepas, weekends saya memang sgt terisi dengan macam2 aktiviti yang best, cool dan menenangkan! pergi tokyolah, pergi iwatelah. minggu lepas saya cancel semua part-time job, nak rest kononnya sebab weekend x sempat rest, dengan keadaan kesihatan yang aiyoo masih bergantung dekat ubat. sejuk okay. hari2 balik sekolah rasa pening. kalau x makan ubat, xboleh nak buat kerja malam tu. sementara nak masuk winter, badan x biasa lagi. padahal dah 3 tahun duduk jepun. mmg sangat badan orang malaysia, rindu kat tanah air la tuuu :D

weekend baru2 ni pon keluar sendai lagi. ingat nak settle kan lab report hari jumaat malam, tapi lepas majlis yasin ada pulak usrah ganti, mmg xdak rezeki, habis usrah dah lewat, terus tido. ngantok sangat. jumaat kan, biasanya jumaat hari paling letih sebab keletihan selama satu minggu ditakung and dibawa ke hari jumaat. haha. sastera sangat ayat d:

memandangkan dateline untuk lab report last week adalah hari ini, which is before pukul 5 petang tadi, saya pon gigih laa buat report dalam kereta on the way ke tempat destinasi, pada pagi hari sabtu. on the way balik dari tempat event, dah hari ahad, sebab jadi co-pilot, teman driver bawak kereta so x tido la sepanjang perjalanan and dalam kepala dok fikir, how im going to finish my report yang sedebuk banyak tu. sampai rumah dah pukul 8 malam. waktu tu report dah siap sampai result. so, masih ada result evaluation, discussion and few questions yang belum habis buat.

settle kemas diri, and buat air panas, minum. tapi x sampai 30minit dah x boleh tahan mata. memang rasa serba salah, sbb kalau tak settle malam tu, esok tu mmg x sempat sbb kelas dari first period. tapi memandangkan sakit kepala, terus masuk dalam selimut and tido.

bangun pagi, sebab makan ubat, mmg berat sangat nak bangun. and as expected, mmg x sempat la nak settle kan lab report pagi tadi. dalam dok berkira-kira nak ponteng kelas first and second period, sbb lab report ni kalau x hantar satu pon, mmg kena repeat year, and petang pulak saya ada meeting lab 2.30petang-5.00petang. so, nak xnak, masa untuk hantar report hanyalah between pukul 12tghari - 2.30petang. walaupun ada perasaan nak ponteng, tapi saya rasa, responsibility utk pergi kelas tu lebih berat. rasa hilang hormat kat diri sendiri, macam you are talking about time management to others but you can't even manage your own self. salah sendiri la sebab kenapa x siapkan report tu awal2 lagi kan. T_T

so saya pon bangun jugak and bersiap, and after took my breakfast, angkut sekali laptop, sbb nak habiskan report time sensei mengajar kononnya. tapi, tulah, xdak rezeki jugak nak buat sebab saya rasa bersalah sgt. sbb kalau bukak laptop, obviously la kita akan fokus dekat report kita and x dengar langsung apa sensei cakap kat depan. makanya, saya duduk dalam kelas first and second period, sambil meyakinkan diri yg saya akan dapat habiskan report tu nanti dalam masa 2 jam setengah dari pukul 12tghari - 2.30petang, insyaAllah.

maka after pukul 12, saya terus lari pergi library and settlekan report. alhamdulillah less than 2 hours saya berjaya siapkan semua, and pergi jumpa sensei untuk hantar report and interview pasal experiment tu. sensei ambik report saya and baca satu2, dari result sampai discussion and soalan2, dekat 30 minit jugak la and saya mmg sumpah sangat nervous, and saya dah lewat utk pergi meeting lab waktu tu.

pastu sensei punya respon lepas baca report saya adalah,
[言いたいことなし]. "benda nak cakap x ada".

saya ingatkan saya punya report sangat teruk, maksudnya xdak concrete answer, atau apa yang saya nak sampaikan tu x jelas la dalam report tu. saya pon mintak maaf, tapi tetiba sensei cakap.

[いや、完璧です。すごい完璧で、言うことないです。] "eh tak, perfect. sangat perfect sampai xdak benda nak komen."

and sensei sambung, sensei kata sebab interview ni wajib buat, so dia nak tanya beberapa soalan.
sensei tanya saya dua soalan, and macam biasa, interview lab report semuanya akan saya jawab dengan lukisan atau equation, sebab bahasa jepun kann, dengan vocabulary jepun saya yang terhad ni, possibility utk menyebabkan orang pening adalah sangat tinggi. haha. and alhamdulillah, sensei sangat puas hati dengan jawapan saya. and saya pon cakap la terima kasih and dah galas beg cepat2 nak keluar bilik sensei, nak pergi attend meeting lab.

tapi, x sempat berdiri sensei cakap,  [待って。] "tunggu"

[正直に言うとね、フィンさんのレポートの考察、それから質問の答えと意見は今までの学生の中で一番素晴らしいと思う。本当にこのように素晴らしい考察ができて驚いたよ]
"honestly lah kan, rasanya dalam banyak2 student yang hantar report ni, fin punya report discussion and jawapan and idea untuk soalan2 yang ditanya, adalah yang paling excellent among semua. x sangka yang ada orang boleh came up dengan discussion report yang sangat hebat macam ni"

dan saya diam ja. sbb, i dont even know how to respond. cuma dalam hati mmg terasa sangat aaaaa sangat terkejut dengan apa yang sensei cakap. terus terbayang apa yang saya dok merepek jawab soalan and bagi pendapat dalam report tadi. sebab dalam masa 2 jam dekat library tadi, xdela buat apa sgt pon, saya banyak membaca, and google dekat internet as a revision utk tulis kat report and preparation untuk interview. x dapat nak guna senior punya lab-report last year even tema sama sebab saya punya experiment procedure and material berbeza.

sensei tengok saya diam, sensei gelak je and cakap
[それが言いたかったです。はい、お疲れ様。] "dari tadi saya nak cakap tu. hait, thank you for your hard work".

lepas cakap terima kasih banyak2, saya pon terus lari pergi lab saya memandangkan lab saya agak jauh dari building tu. sambil nervous sebab dah lewat, lari2 ke lab, tetiba air mata saya mengalir. (saya mmg cepat menitiskan air mata okay, maaflah. haha d:) entah lah sebab apa, terharu maybe. x pernah dapat pujian yang macam tu. entahlah. tapi bagi saya, ayat2 pujian ni sememangnya ada satu kuasa yang super duper kuat yang mempengaruhi emosi dan minda. sebab tula Dr Muhaya selalu cakap kan, kalau nampak apa2 je kebaikan and even sekecil-kecil perkara2 baik yang orang lain buat, ringankan mulut untuk memberi pujian. hati orang jadi senang, hati kita pon jadi senang, insyaAllah (:

dah pukul 3, saya sampai lab. nak naik lif, saya terserempak dengan sensei lab. terkejut. tapi macam biasa, sensei senyum ja. dalam hati saya dok cakap, oh sensei pon lambat utk meeting ni rupanya.

habis je meeting lab tadi, sensei datang dekat saya and cakap, "saya dah dapat result exam awak secara keseluruhan, awak lepas barrier untuk naik tahun keempat kan. saya dah confirmkan. good job fin" pastu sensei senyum meleret. (':

uwaaa! nak nangis! xtahu nak cakap macam mana, tapi Allah hu Ya Allah. sampai macam ni sekali Allah mudahkan hari hambaNya ni. daripada perasaan nak give up, sebab rasa x cukup masa, dengan keadaan kesihatan yg x berapa okay, dengan izin Allah, saya berjaya attend kedua-dua class pagi tadi, settle kan lab report within dateline and hadapi interview dengan baik, attend meeting lab and dapat pujian dari sensei pasal result. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah (':

nak cakap kat sini pasal perkara menarik yang berlaku dekat saya tu adalah pasal apa yg terjadi berturut-turut ni lah. yang miracles do happen. bila Allah izinkan, maka nya sesuatu perkara tu possible. cumanya, Allah nak ajar kita supaya jgn putus harapan. walaupun, saya sebenarnya macam dah putus harapan sikit pagi tadi, sbb boleh terfikir nak ponteng kelas. tapi Allah pegang jugak hati and guide suruh p klas jugak. so, yang tinggal pada hati saya time tu adalah harapan. baru teringat yang ada kakak ni pernah cakap, bukankah Allah sangat suka pada hati yg penuh pengharapan dan pergantungan padaNya? (':

cakap pasal nikmat kan, banyak sangat, banyak sangat nikmat yang Allah bagi kan. tu baru dalam masa satu hari. itu saya punya cerita dalam satu hari, awak-awak punya cerita pulak mesti berbeza. yang pasti setiap hari semua orang dapat nikmat dari Allah. itu yang kita nampak. yang kita x sedar, udara, air, and nikmat kesihatan, nikmat kasih sayang dari org sekeliling. uwaaa~ banyaknyaaa nikmat dari Allah..

"Dan jika kamu menghitung-hitung nikmat Allah, nescaya kamu tak dapat menentukan jumlahnya. Sesungguhnya Allah benar-benar Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang" 
An-Nahl : 18

mmg tak terhitung kan betapa banyaknya nikmat yang Allah bagi!.

"Maka nikmat Tuhan yang mana lagi yang hendak engkau dustakan?"


dalam Surah Ar-Rahman kan, berkali-kali Allah ulang. selepas segala nikmat yg Allah bagi tu kita nikmati, so tidakkah sepatutnya kita kita ni menjadi hamba yang bersyukur kan? muhasabah diri. maka, marilah menjadi hamba yang bersyukur (':



le happy me ^^


esok boleh beli ice cream sebagai upah untuk diri sendiri. alasan konkrit utk makan aiskrim tanpa rasa bersalah. yay! XD


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

the trust

the trust.

this afternoon, when i was in a bus, i was browsing through the twitter and accidentally caught my eyes at my younger brother's tweet.

it's written "esok kena face to face dengan pengarah pulak dah".

being a concern yet busybody sister, i replied his tweet and asked what's wrong. and he replied with, "ada buat salah sikit". and i asked him back, "buat salah apa?" and he answered with, "mencuri".

that moment, i was like, mad? erm. not really. so many things just pop out in my mind, like, seriously you did that? i can't believe this. are you nuts? ? sort of the things that i thought.

but, i just took a moment and think back, if i were at his place what kind of response that i wanted to hear. then, i simply asked him, " curi apakah adikku?"

and he replied with, "curi hati". hahaha. he was joking. actually he got the offer letter from uitm for the second intake of law course (the course he desired much since high school), so he decided to go there, and has to settle few things as a procedure, that's why he has to meet the 'pengarah.' good for him. alhamdulillah. (:

but the thing i wanna share is about, the trust. if you were in my place,having your baby brother telling you he got caught for stealing,  how would you respond to that? suddenly, get mad, melenting baling2 kerusi? *emo* d: haha.

erm, it's hard to gain someone's trust right? even with your own family. but, i have a great experience of trusting and being trusted and since then, yes, i never ever doubt someone when i already made a decision to trust them.

when i was in high school, i involved in a big problem. yes, big one, that i even have to resign from being a school prefect. and first, when i got into the problem i called my dad, and explained to him what i did and what i didn't and clear the misunderstanding, and my daddy said, "i trust you, don't worry. i will always be there for you."

and after that, i called my mom, and explained the same thing and mama also replied the same, "mama percaya dekat fatin. fatin anak mama, mama happy sangat fatin berterus terang dekat mama".

i was really glad for having my parents with me. i had made a mistake. a mistake, but, it was just not more than that. there's a part where i have to take responsibility for, but it was not supposed to be more than what i have to face. well people, and their exaggeration. sigh~

no teachers believe in me, nobody was trying to get to know what was happening and nobody try to ask for explanation from me. some people even making jokes about it. it was a hard time, that i even asked my mom to transfer me to other school. but somehow, i managed to face it, alhamdulillah.

but, erm, yes, i have to say that i have such a wonderful parents that always trust me in whatever i say and whatever i do. alhamdulillah. you know, if my parents didn't trust me, accepted me with my mistake, and said that they will always be there for me, i will probably not be here, be who i am now.

and from the tragic incident, i believe that trust is the key for any relationship. how should i say this, i won't doubt people that i already decided to trust. and i will keep it that way until i die. i don't know how you feel about this, but accepting people who have made mistake, and giving your TRUST to them is super duper important for me.

i'll give you an example. imagine this, you went to your friend's house (your bestfriend, someone that you know for years and share everything with). you opened the door and saw a dead body and blood everywhere in the living room. and you walked inside the house and suddenly saw your friend in the kitchen, holding a knife with blood on it. your friend saw you, and suddenly cried. now, how would you respond to that?

are you going to run away? what if your friend cry and says, "let me explain this". are you still going to run away? push her away? or listen to what she is going to say? which one? if you were in her place, how would you like people to respond to you? you don't even know whether she kills the man or not, but are you just going to put the blame one her? even if she did, didn't she deserve to give explanation? or not? are you going to stay, and listen?

well, you know the answers best.

i didn't know why i suddenly wrote about this. but it was a very serious "thinking" time when i was in the bus on the way back home this evening. haha d:

well i hope one day, i will get married to the person that can give his full trust to me (vice versa, i'll do the same of course, insyaAllah). even if i make a mistake, will never ever doubt me, but asking me clearly, and giving me a chance to give explanation and asking for forgiveness. because trust is the key of relationship right. and humans aren't perfect. oh my god, this is seriously too emotional. i wanna cry. (':

if someone ask me to define LOVE. just like what mama said, i would just go with, "LOVE is TRUST". i love my parents, my pretty sister, and my two baby brothers very much! ^^