and when i said im tired enough with all the nonsense things i did since i came to japan, i really mean it. yeah, being in class without intention, smiling all the way, and understand nothing is just one of the biggest nonsense things i did. i mean, NOTHING. you know, NOT A SINGLE THING.it is a nonsense thing!
and the most miserable thing is, that when my lecturer asked us, ' do anybody have any questions?'..i just can't make a question to ask. it is not bcoz i am afraid or shy, which is im not, but it just that i don't even know what was the thing that i don't understand. do you get it?
and 'they' said that it was normal, and i keep believing it. yes, its true. i can see a little bit improvement from last week to this week. but, it was SLOW! you get it?they won't wait for you, eh i mean, for me. s0, i have to run! run! run! and run!
i feel like i was being isolated all the time when the truth is im not. the sensei(teacher) and tomodachi(friends) are very yasashi(kind). thought that i am a gaijin(outsiders) they treat me very nicely.
but, it just not enough. i know, i know, we should be thankful enough to have someone who cares and being kind to you. but, it just...someone outside. you know, like ahh, how am i going to say it..its like you are having a friend which is only holding the name of 'a friend' which can't even make me feel safe and warm.
okay, that's it. i am not complaining.
sometimes, people just don't understand. ME, looking at my happy face,besides it.you never know. like when you said, 'wah, bestnya, duduk jepun. jelesnyaaaa' 'weeyy, syokk gilaaa, x acii'. if only i can change and let you be on my place for a while, i am with big pleasure to do it. its not that i came here to japan,to have a vacation or what, that you should be jealous of.
i am here to study. for those who forgot. -_-"
and it was hard to hold the responsibility given by rakyat malaysia,and to bring the image of islam. it is a big task.regardless about all the 'busyness' n all sort of things. i do care about the image and the position that i bring. it is my religion, our religion that we are holding on which is Islam, and it is also my job to show the beautiful of Islam and not to make them(the japanese) feel unpleasant with the Muslim's life.
but, i will trust myself. for all the nonsense things and having experienced like im the most 'not-clever' person in the world(i won't use the word stupid.coz it is a mean word).
i believe that everything happened for a reason. Allah's fate is always true. and HE will not left us as long as we also always remember HIM. Allah has create the best,most beautiful and wonderful rhythm of life for each of us. and it was not suppose to be a burden thing, it was us, who made it turned out to be the unpleasant way.
insyaAllah, i will try my best. and enjoy the moment for being here, being given the opportunity to feel the powerful of Allah..by looking at the sakura,feel the coldness, and the beautiful scenery here. subhanallah,it was really great. (':
that's all for today. ehem, please pray for my safety here in japan. it is a lonngg way more journey to go... (':